Sitting With the Elders: An Interview with Hari Kaur (Part II)

Here is the continuation of the highlights from our pow-wow with Hari Kaur Khalsa, a distinguished Kundalini Yoga teacher and author from New York City.

In this excerpt, Hari shares with us the four cycles of a woman’s life according to her teachings, and how the energy of spring relates and is reflected in each of them.

The Four Cycles of a Woman’s Life

In Hari’s teaching there are four cycles to a woman’s life. We asked her to describe how the energy of spring is related to each cycle.

“There is something that is just so beautiful about women when they smile. When they feel confident. It is just the look in a woman’s eyes that is so powerful, so penetrating and so nourishing, that every single one of these phases of life can be seen in a woman’s eyes.”

So this look that is in a woman’s eyes will always contain every season within it. And that is the actual beauty of a woman – is that she does contain everything within her. She contains the summer, the fall, the winter and the spring.

Girlhood

Girlhood is very playful.

“Girlhood is just the absolute abandonment of getting on your bike, of eating fruit outdoors, of having just a wonderful time sitting under the sun.”
Hari encourages us to put on our play clothes and go outside, with absolutely no plan at hand, and see what we can create – just like a kid.

Young Woman

“Isn’t spring just such an alluring time? The sexiness of those flowers and those bees and everything getting ready. Right?”

The next phase in Hari’s four cycles is from the older teens and extends into the early twenties. These women have just started menstruating. There is a realization that these young women contain all future generations. There is so much hope in that.

“That beauty is so irresistible that people can walk into walls when they see it. However, it has become so misunderstood, abused, taken advantage of and misused.”

Every woman, according to Hari, from birth until the day she leaves her body possesses this beauty. However when we objectify it and separate it from the whole, it becomes an absolute misuse of power and a degradation to the feminine spirit to have it treated in that way. It needs to be honored as a part of feminine beauty and not as the whole. The obsession in the culture with this stage of a woman’s life is a huge distortion and dishonoring of the feminine spirit.

When we asked Hari to share with us how we can help our daughters, grand-daughters and younger sisters in coping with all the changes and challenges that young womanhood presents, in the best possible way, this is what she had to say:
“Teach your daughter about how her body works, without shyness , shame or fear. Don’t hide the feelings that come along with menstruation. Don’t hide the kind of sensations that a woman will have in her body. Be open. Be honest. Honor it as an absolutely natural and beautiful situation.”

Hari encourages us to help them meet the challenges if they have any pain or discomfort. Helping them meet those challenges with humor, honesty and openness allows them to accept that this is a normal part of life. This applies to our sons too.

“That is what’s so wonderful about spiritual training. That if you give a young person exercises and ways to experience their energy, channel their energy, discuss openly their feelings and their physical sensations you can grow to respect and love the body instead of hide it. Instead of be ashamed of it. Instead of having it be a mystery. I think many enlightened women now know how to do this.”

Mid-life and the Motherhood Years

One of the things associated with this stage is the growing and guiding of children. Motherhood is happening while the baby is in the womb. And once that baby is born the mother is a very powerful guide for the child.
If a woman has children, spring is a beautiful time of exploration.

“You can use this time to open up – like we talked about – clear out the old, look at the new. Take a deep breath. Forge ahead because parenting can be one of the hardest jobs that a person can do, man or woman.”

Hari encourages you to forgive yourselves the mistakes. Help bring your children along into their new experiences. Help be the best guide you can.

“Spring is then a great opportunity for truly seeing everyone including yourself, and everyone in your family. For seeing them newly. See everything newly. If you haven’t had the spiritual practice to do that daily, the spring is just a natural time to do that. Take a new look. See people in a new light.”

It is a very compassionate and liberating practice – to not be stuck in our ideas of who people are and to give them their own renewal each time we encounter them. That is a beautiful teaching. Thank you for that Hari. In this way we can all be mothers regardless of whether we have children or not.

Hari credits her teacher, Yogi Bhajan, for emphasizing that we women do not have to have children physically to fulfill the creativity and the absolute longing for creativity of the motherhood years.

Ultimately, “the call of the woman is not a biological one.”

Hari encourages us to respect all the different manifestations of motherhood in their infinite variety.

The Wisdom Years

The fourth cycle is that of the wise woman, the sage – the teacher.

“Everything in that cycle is a reminder of all the other cycles. It is just what the wise woman is seeing. She’s seeing the turning of the whole wheel. She’s seeing all of the seasons turning at the same time and the perspective is that at this point by God’s grace we have the perspective to see the spring in the winter and the winter in the spring, autumn and summer – all within each other. And we see them as revolving, spiraling cycles within each other.”

Spring brings with it its characteristic and absolute renewal even in the Wise Woman years, but with much more patience. Yet there is also a little more urgency. You get to see all the other phases happening at the same time.
Although it brings the same hope, clearance and excitement – it is still one of many springs that have come before. It is a reminder that all the seasons are chances.

We asked Hari if it is true that at any stage of the cycle you get to experience all stages of the cycle. Could the woman who is still going through puberty use the girlhood energy to tap into the motherhood energy, and then perhaps through spiritual practice tap into that maturity and wisdom and thus experience all three cycles circling within her? Or does she feel that only in the third stage is one capable of experience all three levels?

“I think it spirals within us all. But I must say that having entered into my fifties – it is quite different. And I couldn’t have felt this in the other stages. And that is why it is so important for different age women to get together. They don’t call these the wisdom years for nothing. These are the wisdom years.”

Hari is reluctant to say that it’s in every cycle because that once again can sometimes just dishonor all the years lived by the older woman. There is already too much of a focus on doing that in this culture and she emphasizes that we do not need anymore.

“It doesn’t mean that a young person can’t be wise. But we just have to acknowledge the beauty of that (the wisdom years.) And hopefully we are moving in that direction.”

Hari shares even more wisdom regarding women and the power of spring in Part III of this three part blog series. You may find it on our blog roll.

Hari’s Upcoming Events and Activities

Based on the teachings of Kundalini yoga and meditation, and of Yogi Bhajan, Hari leads a program for women and will be leading her third program at Kripalu. It is open to women of all ages. It is focused on the study of the moon centers. This next program will be held from October 31st to November 5th this year.

She is also working with a church in New York that has a beautiful and large space. She is looking host a non-profit organization out of that space. It will be specifically dedicated to women’s issues. The project is currently in development so she is very interested in networking with other women’s non-profits.

How Can I Reach Hari?

You can email her at hari@reachhari.com. Her website is www.reachhari.com . There is a calendar there where you can find out what’s going on.

Her two books are often at bookstores, but can alternatively be ordered from Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com. They are also available from her Penguin, who is the publisher of both titles.

Hari’s Bio

Hari Kaur Khalsa directs and teaches Kundalini Yoga Classes and Teacher Trainings, Level 1 and Level 2, in the US and abroad. She is the former Director of Education and Training of Golden Bridge NYC (2007-2009). Prior to that she taught for Yogi Bhajan for over 10 years, co-directing his Level One Teacher Trainings in New Mexico and India. Hari is a caring, inspiring, and down to earth teacher, making the powerful and healing teachings of Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan accessible to students of all levels. Inspired by years of study with Yogi Bhajan, Hari continues to serve all who come with smiles, and spirit.

Married to jazz musician Dave Frank, Hari and Dave make their home in New York City bringing music and yoga to uplift the spirit. Hari is co-author of A Woman's Book of Yoga: Embracing Our Natural Life Cycles (Penguin 2002) and author of A Woman's Book of Meditation: Discovering the Power of a Peaceful Mind (Penguin 2006).